A New Tradition
by Serisia
Summary: Christmas in the bunker. A movie on Christmas Eve leaves Cas thinking and he decides to finally take action. Just a little fluff for the holidays. :) Rated T for cursing


**A New Tradition**

**A/N:** _I have a hard time with my "Better with Two" – Chapter at the moment, so I needed a little holiday fluff to give my mind a break. Hope you like it; reviews would be a great pre-Christmas-thing ;) It's unbetaed, so all mistakes are my own._

_This is a one-shot. It's slightly AU after 9x03 I'm no Angel. There's no angel in Sam anymore, therefore Cas didn't have to leave the bunker, Charlie isn't in Oz and everybody is alive and healthy :) _

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"Well, wasn't that great?" Dean's attempt at sarcasm might have been more convincing if they hadn't seen him wipe away a little wetness under his eyes moments ago.

"Aw, stop whining! You know you love it. Besides, 'Love Actually' is obligatory on Christmas" Charlie threw a cushion at him from across the room where she was snuggled up on the couch.

Dean just grinned at her and threw the cushion back. "So, what's next? We had a girl movie, so I guess it's time for 'Die Hard' now, whaddaya think Cas?" He turned his head to look at the former angel beside him and nearly yelped when he found his face mere inches away. It was a good thing Cas was still looking at the screen, apparently deep in thoughts, because they were sitting so close that had he looked at Dean, their noses would collide.

Dean was fairly certain that they had sat on the couch like normal people when the movie had started, each of them on their own side of the sofa, but now Dean was practically sitting in Cas' lap and he hadn't even noticed moving closer to him.

When he took a cautious sideways glance at the other couch he was not really surprised to see the rest of his family desperately trying to keep it together. But the stunned look on Dean's face apparently was enough to crack them. Charlie pressed her face into the cushion she was still holding, her whole body shaking, while Kevin and Sam were clutching each other's shoulders for support, because they were laughing so hard they nearly fell of the couch.

Dean leapt to his feet, what of course made them laugh even harder and startled Castiel out of his pondering. He looked up at Dean, followed his gaze to the three on the couch, who were close to tears now and turned his confused eyes back to Dean, completely oblivious to what had happened. "What's wrong?"

Dean's gaze snapped to him, softening immediately. "Nothing. So, who's up for a good old bloodbath?" grinning at Cas before turning away, ignoring the others, he walked over to the DVD-player to change the movie. Cas couldn't stop the little smile tugging at his lips, but he was careful not to let Dean see it. Despite what some people seemed to think, Castiel was no idiot. Of course he knew what was going on, but he also knew that it wouldn't be very wise to let Dean know this. When the movie was started, the hunter sat back on the sofa besides Cas, not as close as before, but not as far away as Cas had expected him to sit now. He was still ignoring Sam, Charlie and Kevin, looking straight at the screen, but everybody noticed the faint blush that was still on his face.

Castiel tried to concentrate on the movie, because he knew that Dean liked it, but he always found his thoughts drifting back to the other film. Dean noticed his distraction and startled Cas for the second time this evening, when he placed his hand on the ex-angel's shoulder to get his attention. He looked into the blue eyes before him, searching. "Cas, you okay? You seem distracted. Something on your mind?"

Cas couldn't help smiling at the other man. Dean was often concerned about Cas' well-being since the angel fell. "No Dean, everything is alright. I'm just tired. I guess I should better go to sleep."

He was sure there was disappointment in Dean's eyes for a moment, but the hunter was quick to regain his cheery composure. "Oh, okay. Ya, you're right. There's no point in falling asleep here. G'night Cas." He gave the former angel a smile that Cas recognized as forced. He knew that Dean was disappointed in Cas for not watching the movie he chose and Cas really didn't want to upset his friend, but he just needed time alone and the quiet of his bedroom to think. So he got up, wished everybody a good night and walked off to his room. He didn't see Dean looking after him with a sad expression or the little knowing smiles that passed between Kevin, Charlie and Sam.

Alone in his room, Castiel changed into his PJs and lay down on his bed. A recurring theme in the movie they had watched earlier, 'Love Actually', kept occupying his thoughts. "At Christmas you tell the truth." These words were featured in several variations throughout the film. Was this true? Was this "a thing", as they say? If so, maybe Cas should seize the opportunity, honor the tradition or whatever and do just that. Tell the truth. He had always known that his relationship with Dean had been different from any other relationship between human and angel, but since he became human himself he had begun to understand, that it was different from most of "normal" human friendships, too. The feelings he held for the hunter had grown ever since he'd pulled him from the pit, in hindsight he maybe should have questioned his actions back in that little town on Halloween when he had confided in Dean his doubts about his mission, although he barely knew the man then. But he had felt a strange kind of connection with him since the moment he first laid a hand on him in hell. Hester had got that right; Castiel had been lost to heaven from that point on. But he had never really understood why, he never even thought about it. He had just been happy and honored to be friends with Dean and Sam and to be able to help them.

But the last weeks had given him a lot of time to think. Still adjusting to his new human life, a little shaken up from being killed and revived by a reaper and not back at full strength, he hadn't left the bunker often, only for walks or supply runs, spending the rest of his time keeping Kevin company and trying to help the prophet wherever he could while Sam and Dean were out hunting. He had noticed that all feelings he had, seemed to be intensified since he became human. Atypical for an angel, he always had had feelings, but now he knew that those were nothing, compared to "real" ones. Looking back on the time since Metatron had taken his grace, he had been shocked, but not really surprised to realize that most of his more intense emotions and thoughts had revolved around Dean.

His first concern after the fall had been to reach Dean, to tell him what had happened, to hear his voice and assure himself that the hunter was alright. When April had kissed him, he had kissed her back, but more out of relieve over how good it had felt to be touched by another human being and part of him couldn't help wishing it was Dean who was kissing him. His last thought before April had killed him with his own angel blade had been Dean, who had been storming the apartment at this moment and whom he now could protect no longer. He also had the distinct feeling that wherever he had been while he was dead, had have something to do with Dean, too.

All these things had occupied Castiel's thoughts over the last weeks and he finally had had no other choice than admit to himself that he was in love with Dean Winchester and most likely had been since he first met him. He had no intention to act on his feelings, because he knew Dean was only attracted to women and Cas would never jeopardize their friendship, but he also couldn't help but notice little changes in Dean's behavior since the former angel was living with them in the bunker. He seemed to be very protective over Cas, maybe because he still felt guilty that he hadn't arrived in time to stop April from killing him. But he also was more relaxed and happier than in a long time. Cas believed that was because Dean's family finally was gathered together safe in one place. He didn't dare thinking it could possibly have something to do with him in particular. Nevertheless, there was something about his actions that gave Castiel… dare he think of it as hope?

When they were watching the movie tonight he couldn't quite believe what was happening, he hadn't dared to move the whole time, in fear Dean would notice that he was unconsciously scooting closer to the ex-angel every few minutes. Castiel had held his breath most of the time and tried to calm down his racing heart. In this confused and excited mindset, some plot points of the film caught his attention. And now, 2 hours later, alone with his thoughts, Dean's seemingly instinctive desire to be closer to him gave the former angel the courage to decided that, yes, it was a very good idea to tell the truth, just because it's Christmas.

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When Castiel came to the kitchen the next morning, he was more than surprised to find Dean sitting at the counter, steaming pot of coffee before him, looking up and grinning widely when his eyes settled on Cas. "Hey, Cas, slept well? Do you want breakfast?" His voice was low and warm like a blanket. Castiel felt his resolve strengthen with this pleasant greeting, but he also knew that now was not the right moment and place to tell Dean what was on his mind.

"Good morning Dean. Yes, breakfast would be wonderful. I slept very good, thank you for asking." He smiled back at the hunter and tried to lay as much warmth into gaze as possible. "Why are you awake already? I didn't expect anybody else to be up this early."

Dean was already busy heating up the pan to make bacon and eggs for the both of them, gesturing for Cas to pour himself a cup of coffee from the machine. "I don't know; must be the excitement to celebrate a proper Christmas with family and everything for the first time in years. Couldn't really sleep all night." He chuckled softly and smiled at Cas, who was setting the table. They ate in pleasant silence, ending the meal by sharing the leftover slice of apple pie from dinner last night.

When they had cleaned the kitchen, Cas noticed Dean was fidgeting slightly. "Dean, is everything alright?"

Instantly Dean was blushing. "Yes, well, I know we said we wouldn't make gifts, but I saw this in a little shop on our last hunt, and I thought it was cute and it reminded me of you and… well, here you are…" Dean took a small package out of a kitchen drawer and handed it to Cas.

The former angel looked dumbfounded at the squishy thing and took it. He really hadn't expected Dean to give him anything. "Thank you! But Dean, I feel bad, I don't have anything for you." Cas was horrified now, surely the 'We don't make gifts this year' – business had been some kind of human thing were everybody ignored the agreement, but clueless new-human that he was, Castiel had taken it serious. That was no good start for the day he had planned.

"No Cas, don't feel bad! You don't have to give me anything; we all meant it when we decided not to. I don't have anything for the others either, but this I just had to buy. I could have given it to you any other day; I just thought it would be nice to give you a gift on your very first Christmas." Dean's ears turned red when he said this, although the thing he really meant, that it was great knowing he was the one to give Cas his very first Christmas present _ever_, was only said in his head. "Come on, open it!" he encouraged smiling.

"Okay", Cas agreed, a little reassured now. Inside the package was a woolen scarf and head. They both were blue; a perfect match to Castiel's eyes, but the more interesting part was the picture on the scarf. There was a little angel, dressed in white, but with dark wings and black hair. Castiel was speechless; he just looked at Dean with wide eyes.

The hunter cleared his throat awkwardly, the flush from his ears now creeping over the rest of his face. "Well, it's not the stereotypical angel, but I somehow always imagined your wings black. And if there ever was an angel resembling the nice little guardians humans believe angels to be, it was you…" he trailed of, embarrassed to have said too much.

"Dean, it's… Thank you! Really, thank you! But Dean, you know I'm not an angel anymore and most likely never will be again."

"Yeah Cas, I know and I'm really sorry about that, I know it's hard for you and I really apologize if the scarf is bringing up painful memories or stuff like that. I didn't want that. But despite the fact that Megadick took your grace from you, you'll always be my…," awkward cough, "I mean **our** angel!" Great. Real smooth Winchester! Oh man, this blushing-business seemed to be his thing now.

Cas' face softened and a small, but happy smile appeared. "Don't be sorry about that Dean! I'm not. Of course, it's still new and I think I will keep struggling for a long time, but I actually really like being human and to finally being able to stay at the bunker with you…", he broke off, just to blush too and hurriedly continue then, "…and Sam, Kevin and Charlie."

They stared into each other's eyes, like so many times before, the space between them filled with a whole new kind of unspoken things. After what seemed like hours, but were most likely just a few minutes, a distant door clapping in the depth of the bunker made them break off the gaze, both of them looking in different directions quickly, clearing their throats awkwardly. A few moments later Dean broke the silence, rubbing his hands together and smiling at Cas lightly. "So, what do you think about a little stroll on Christmas morning? It snowed over night, so you could give your new stuff a little outing." He winked at Castiel, apparently regaining some of his bravado.

"That sounds pleasant. I'll just go and change into something warmer." The former angel was still in his PJs. In the door of the kitchen he remembered his resolve for the day - to tell the truth - so he turned and said so quietly Dean could barely understand it "And just so you know, my wings actually really were black." With one last shy smile he left the hunter in the kitchen, not seeing the proud happy grin that spread over the green-eyed man's face.

###

They were walking side by side through the forest behind the bunker. The snow was ankle deep and they enjoyed the crunching noises it made under their heavy boots; the only sound in the wintery woods apart from their breaths.

Dean had nearly forgotten how to breathe, when Cas had come back to the kitchen. He was clad in black jeans, high winter boots and one of Dean's warmer FBI-wool-coats. The new scarf was draped around his neck in a way that made sure the angel was visible and the blue hat was on his head, black hair peeping out all around. The only word that Dean was able to form inside his head was 'adorable'. He tried to scold himself for thinking something like that about his angel, but there simply was no other phrase. His angel… when had he begun to think about Cas as 'his' personal angel? He honestly didn't know.

Cas' cheerful "Ready?" janked him out of his gaping and he wasn't really surprised to feel himself blushing yet again, when he noticed his mouth hanging open. He closed it, "Yeah, 'course!", grabbed his winter jacket and followed Castiel up the stairs.

Now they'd been walking in comfortable silence for the last thirty minutes, side by side, hands deep in their pockets, elbows colliding every other step. Finally, Cas broke the silence, sighing happily. "Aw, I love snow. It's cold, but so beautiful. The air is so clean and it gives a nice excuse to wear those cozy clothes." He smiled at Dean, who looked absolutely gorgeous with the melting snowflakes in his hair and the reddened skin, which let his beautiful freckles pop out and accentuated his sparkling green eyes. The hunter looked relaxed and genuinely happy.

Cas decided it was now or never. He cleared his throat, "Dean, I actually wanted to talk to you." He glanced nervously at Dean, who furrowed his brow, but nodded for him to go on. "Well, the movie we were watching had a recurring theme, which got me thinking. 'At Christmas you tell the truth.' I actually like this idea and I would like to make it some kind of tradition of mine. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is…" he had been nervously slumped against a nearby tree while speaking was now cut off by a big lump of snow falling from the branches, directly onto his head, sitting there like a crown. He looked at Dean, dumbstruck, with surprise and shock in his eyes and just stood there, mouth still open from talking.

That sight was too much for the hunter. He had been tense while Cas spoke, scared of what his friend might want to confess. Maybe he wanted to leave or anything like that. All this tension broke out of Dean now in a massive laughing fit and he could see from the tiny smile that played around Castiel's beautiful lips (_and where the hell did that thought just come from?),_ that the ex-angel knew he wasn't laughing at him.

"Oh man, you're such a dork!" he managed to choke out. He bent over, clutching Cas' shoulder for support with one hand, the other pressed onto his already aching stomach. "Geeze, I love you!"

Dean's laugh broke off abruptly. He could feel Castiel tense under his grip. He barely dared to look up. "Shit, Cas, sorry, I didn't mean…" he broke off when he met Castiel's eye. There he could see all the emotions that were racing through his own mind right now. Shock and panic, but also… hope? And maybe even… happiness? That was all he needed to stop the sentence he had begun. Dean straightened up, placed his second hand on Cas' other shoulder and steadily held his gaze.

"Fuck it! I actually really like your new tradition. And what did that girl write on her card in the movie? 'If you can't say it at Christmas, when can you, eh?" He made sure the other man was looking into his eyes, so he could see that Dean meant every word. "Cas, I love you!"

Castiel's eyes widened even more, never looking away from Dean's and suddenly his whole face broke into a huge smile, full of pure happiness. "I love you, too Dean! That was actually what I wanted to tell…" The rest of his words were cut off when Dean's lips met his. It took only the briefest moment for Castiel to respond and eagerly kiss him back.

When they finally broke apart to breathe again, hands still clutched tightly into each other's clothes, they rested their foreheads together, smiling blissfully at each other, panting heavily. Cas was the first to speak again. "I think I really like Christmas."

Dean chuckled, pecking his angel's lips, "Yeah, me too."


End file.
